What Does Mom Know?

Today I had the same argument with my son that I have had several times in the last few weeks.  He no longer wants to go in the Women's restroom with me, but rather thinks he is old enough to go into the Men's public restroom by himself.  There are some times that this is okay:  a single room where he goes in alone and locks the door.  That is the only time that I am comfortable with him going in alone!! 

Today, in a rest area bathroom on Interstate 80, we argued about it for 15 MINUTES!!  He was crying, screaming, and arguing the following:

"I am 5 years old!  I am a men! I should be going in the men's room!"  (No, that is not a typo.  He said "I am a MEN!")

I started out calmly telling him that I know he is a man (and, believe me, THAT was hard to say with a straight face), but that I can't get to him in the men's room if he needs me because I can't go in there. 

That led to more screaming, crying, yelling. 

I tried to be reasonable.  "There are some people in this world who are not nice to kids and if someone says something mean to you, I won't be there to help you." 

That led to this reply from him, "I will just tell them to stop it and then I'll run away!"

Five minutes have now gone by, and neither of us has gone to the bathroom yet.  Two women have come and gone from the bathroom.  Zoee is standing by watching the scene, and I'm pretty sure she was trying not to laugh at "silly O". 

After 10 minutes, I managed to keep a hand on him so he wouldn't run away while I went to the bathroom, and then I took him by the hand and started to walk out of the rest area and back to the car.  He was yelling and crying that he still had to pee, and I said that he obviously didn't because it had been ten minutes and he hadn't done it yet. 

Not my proudest parenting day. 

We went back inside after he agreed that he would go in the women's bathroom, but as soon as we got back inside the screaming and crying started again that he is a "men".  I happened to notice an employee of the rest area out of the corner of my eye, and he must have felt sorry for me (or wanted to get rid of my screaming kid) because he angled his cleaning cart in the doorway of the men's room so that nobody could get in there.  I jumped on that opportunity by saying to Owyn, "Look, the men's room is being cleaned right now so you can't use it anyway!"

He finally went into the women's restroom and did his business.  I apologized for yelling at him, and I made him apologize for yelling at me. 

And then I started plotting.

How would I convince him that he has to keep going with me in the women's room?
Who can I call that will convince him?

And then, I began to doubt myself.
 
When CAN he go in the bathroom by himself?
Am I being over-bearing?
Can I get the appropriate age from Google?
Is there a right answer?

So I did what any sensible mother would do.  I called a few friends to get their opinions and then I LIED! 

I called my friend whose husband is a cop, told her my dilemma, and told her that I would have Owyn call her husband later to ask him when he can go in the bathroom alone.  Then I told Owyn that I talked to him already and he told me "somewhere between age 8 and 10", but that Owyn could call him later and ask too.  Owyn responded with "No, I trust you.  I don't want to call him."  I told him that I do not want to have this conversation again until he is 8 years old, and he promised me that he would go in the women's bathroom with me without arguing. 

Somehow I doubt that I have heard the last of his arguments, and I know that he doesn't understand my concerns and reasons why I don't want him in there alone.  But, for today, the battle has ended.  And I feel victorious!