From the time Owyn was 6 months old until he started preschool, he stayed with a friend on the days that I worked. The disadvantage, at the time, was that he wasn't with me ALL THE TIME. The advantage, however, was that he had playmates from the start of life with a same age girl, two boys 3 years older, and twin boys 9 months younger who were also in this home daycare. When I was home, I was constantly taking Owyn to places with other kids - play group at friends' homes, weekly visits to the Children's Museum and Tot Time, music class, parks, etc. I realize now how fortunate Owyn was to have the opportunity to develop these relationships from such an early age. He is such an easy going kid in social situations, he adapts well to changes and new people, and he can honestly strike up a conversation with anyone, about anything, in any situation. He is definitely an extrovert. (Read this post for further evidence)
Zoee, on the other hand, is more reserved. She is shy around new people. Even familiar people at times! She clings to us when in a new situation. She likes to sit back and watch rather than jump in full force. She gets frustrated easily when things don't go her way. And she really likes things to go her way!
I take the blame myself for Zoee's personality. I babied her more, wanting to keep her small and needing me for so much longer since she would be my last baby. I loved that she wanted me to hold her so much. Still wanting me to hold her all the time. She was a baby when I watched Owyn walk into preschool for the first time. My baby boy marching away from me. So I held tighter to the baby girl in my arms and willed the universe to keep her small.
And now I regret that I didn't expose her to more kids for the past three years. I worry that she will cry all the time in preschool next year. I worry that the teachers will be calling me saying things like, "Zoee isn't sharing very well." Or "Zoee has been sitting in the corner refusing to talk to anyone for an hour." Or "Zoee has been crying all morning and wants to go home." I worry all the time about Zoee.
And then she says things like this to her Daddy, in the midst of our family talking endlessly about Owyn's upcoming birthday party with friends:
Zoee: I don't have any friends.
Jack: You do have friends.
Zoee: Who are my friends? Owyn is my friend.
Jack: Yes, Owyn is your friend. And you have other friends.
But she doesn't really. She has playmates when I take the time to set that up for her. When I choose Zoee over cleaning the house or folding the laundry. And I need to make that choice more often! Watching her today at the mall play area confirmed that for me.
She was playing by herself, climbing the slide, when she started talking to another little girl. I smiled and tried not to interfere after suggesting Zoee ask the girl's name and invite her to play. I stood back and watched my baby girl run around with another 3-year old girl. They held hands. They climbed up and down slides. They pretended to be sharks swimming in the sea. They found another little girl and had her join their fun. They laughed. They chased. They sat and just talked.
I was too far away from her at times to hear any of the conversation, but I could see Zoee's smile and the twinkle in her eyes as she played with the other girls. Her friends.
I have renewed hope that I didn't completely ruin Zoee. That she will be fine when she goes off to preschool and beyond. That she won't always sit and watch but will choose to jump in and play. It is my job to provide the opportunities for interaction and social development, and it is Zoee's job to engage and enjoy. For you Zoee, I promise to set up play dates, take you to places where you can interact with other kids your age, and help you build friendships.
But please keep those hugs, kisses, and "I Love You" moments coming to me because Mommy also needs those from her babies!
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